Friday, December 7, 2007

Warning: Hazardous Material

Normally I try to be nice and post things that you can make to delight your family, friends, and co-workers. I don't know what it is about me today, though. Too much to do? Not enough sleep? Whiny kids who don't understand the concept of "18 more days till Christmas?" Whatever the reason, I'm feeling evil. Not just cranky, but kicking the dog, taking candy from babies, and putting plastic jugs in the yard waste bin evil. (A little Seattle joke there.)

So I'm going to introduce you to the crack cocaine of the candy world. This stuff is seriously addictive. You cannot take one small nibble and walk away. You will eat a whole piece. And then another. And then another. Till the pan is licked clean and the medics have to come drag you out from under the table where you're huddled in a whimpering ball. You know it will make you feel rotten to eat it all, but you just can't help it. And it doesn't make a wimpy little 8 x 8 panful, it makes a big 9x 13 panful!

Small children should definitely not be introduced to this stuff. It's free-basing sugar and they'll climb the walls and swing from the curtains, only coming down to beg and whine for more.

Adults should stay away from it. It's a train-wreck for any diet, packing more calories into a piece than most third world nations consume in a month. And that's just one piece. And it's impossible to have just one piece.



The only reason that I can think of that you should make this is if you have an annoying neighbor who complains about your dog or your children. You can take them a big plate of it. And then chuckle evilly when you see the flashing lights of the aid car. Or if you have a contractor who's made a gaping whole in drywall and you absolutely want to insure that they come back to finish the job. Give him just one piece.

In fact, there might even be a ban on this stuff, it's so addictive. So if you're ever foolish enough to make it, keep a wary ear listening for heavy boots and pounding on the door. If the drug enforcement officers show up on your doorstep, hide under the bed till they leave. But take the pan with you. You wouldn't want them to take it as evidence. Especially not if there were four more pieces....

Killer Crack Peanut Butter Fudge

3 cups sugar
3/4 cup butter
2/3 cup evaporated milk
1 cup JIF peanut butter
1- 7 oz jar marshmallow creme
1 tsp vanilla

Combine sugar, butter, and evaporated milk in a heavy 2-1/2 quart saucepan. Bring to a full rolling boil, stirring constantly. Continue boiling over medium heat for 5 minutes, stirring constantly to prevent scorching. Remove from heat. Add the peanut butter, stirring until melted.. Add marshmallow creme and vanilla; beat until well blended.

Spread in a buttered 9 x 13 x 2 - inch pan. Cool at room temperature, then refrigerate. Cut into squares when firm.

34 comments:

MyKitchenInHalfCups said...

Good Grief almighty there woman. Take this post down/off NOW. I'm baking and candy can not, NOT I repeat be made in this house for the next two weeks!
I think you have me convinced this is good to eat and bad for the waist! And I do love peanut butter.

Gigi said...

They look delicious! Thank god rehab is so "in" right now! :)

Anonymous said...

The first one is free...

Chelsea said...

I think I need an ambulance just for reading that. I think I may have gained a pound just looking at those pictures.

Melinda said...

Oh, it does sound very naughty!
I'm just trying to think who would be a good victim to give this to...
(does it have to be JIF peanut butter? I can find Skippy here.
Your are a very bad woman Lynn.

katiez said...

It makes my teeth hurt just thinking about it...But in a good way... You know: It hurts so good!

Dianne said...

I think there is a recovery clinic for this type of dependency in Renton. It is called "Mrs. Field's".

Jerry said...

Oh I want to make fudge! I think I blow up the kitchen though

Marcia said...

I love this recipe!

Molly (Bella) said...

Lynncredible,

Your post made me laugh out loud today!!! Especially the name of the confection!

I miss you, hope your mood improves and your holidays are blessed!

xoxoxo, Mollytopia

Peabody said...

You had me at Jif!!!! So going to make this...evil woman you.
And LOL at "yard waste bin evil"....that's right...screw those Waste Management bastards...they charged my $4 the other day because they didn't feel our tiny little trash can(seriously how tiny are those?) was closed properly...grrrr.

Megan said...

I'm filing these under revenge! You know-the kill them with kindness file;)

CresceNet said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
WokandSpoon said...

OH wow. I could feel my heart racing (and my mouth watering) as I read that post! For some reason I have a craving for peanut butter now!

JEP said...

Heaven...

Cookie baker Lynn said...

My Kitchen In Half Cups - You just need to have someone to offload the fudge onto. You can make it, eat a piece, then give the rest away quickly.

Gigi- So true!

Anon - he he...

Chelsea - I'm sorry!

Melinda - Yes, I'm bad. Do you forgive me? I think Skippy would probably be OK. I prefer JIF, though.

KatieZ - I know what you mean!

Dianne - Is that what that is?

Jerry - This is not blow up the kitchen fudge. Don't worry!

Marcia - Have you tried it?

Bella Molly - I miss you, too, and I'm glad you got a laugh out of the post. Merry Christmas to you, sweetie.

Peabody - The evil garbage tyrants!

Megan - Good call.

Wok and Spoon - Have the defibrillator on stand-by if you try it.

Jep - Pretty close, although heaven won't give you a headache.

Julie said...

This looks FANTASTIC I will try any recipe with peanut butter in it!!!
Is marshmallow cream the same as marshmallow fluff?
I'm not the most avid baker but i am an experienced eater!
Thanks!

Karen said...

free-basing sugar... that made me laugh outloud! Once I get my hands on some marshmallow creme and a jar of jif I will make this recipe for sure.

Anali said...

Mmmmm! That looks good and I have some marshmallow creme that I need to use. I just fired up my printer for this one. Thanks! ; )

eatme_delicious said...

Haha okay I have to make this now!

Nan said...

If these are as good as you say they are, I'm NOT making them. I have NO self control and the paramedics would actually have to be called. They do look amazing, though!...

Kristen said...

You had me totally cracking up reading through this!

Maybe...just maybe... I have figured out a way to get my workaholic hubby home from work on time!

Aimée said...

Lynn, I was reaching for a pad of paper before I was even finished reading to post so I could jot down the ingredients on my ever expanding shopping list.This is just the kind of torture I like to inflict on myself!Death by sugar! This little baby inside will be born addicted to sugar, I fear.

Eva said...

Hilarious post, I could hardly make sure not to laugh out loud in the office..;-) I have the notion that this stuff could convert me to a peanut butter lover!

Nora B. said...

Oh Lynn,
I have a good chuckle when I read this post. "crack cocaine of the candy world" - priceless quote!! And thanks for the warning about this being addictive. :-)

Nora

Deborah said...

I love peanut butter fudge, and this recipe sounds so much better than the one I usually use!

Aimée said...

I tried this out (see my blog) and loved it. My kind of drug! I sent some people your way for the recipe. Many thanks!

jandshe said...

This was phenomenal. My husband doesn't even like peanut butter that much and he loved it. I'm sure I'll be making it way more often than I should. ;)

jandshe said...

This was phenomenal. My husband doesn't even like peanut butter that much and he loved it. I'm sure I'll be making it way more often than I should. ;)

Gina said...

I'm new to your blog, actually the KCPB drew my attention and so I had to make it last night with the intention that my husband takes it ALL to work after we only "try" a small piece each. Let's just say I'll be posting my next blog entry when I get out of rehab. YIKES...that's some good stuff.

maryt said...

my mom said it's because you don't 'mark' your fudge that you don't get such even edges. and really, you only need to look @ my family or eat our fudge to know we know of what we speak. marking, if you don't know, is what you do with a sharp knife RIGHT after you turn it out; mark out your pieces by dragging the knife along the top to mark where you will really cut it once you are ready to cut. needs to be a bit deeper than a mark, but not much! then your fudge will be smooth once it's completely set!

Unknown said...

This is the fudge my husband rebukes, the way any good evangelical man rebukes sin, fearing and secretly lusting after it. He literally carries plates of this stuff to the neighbors so that it will not dwell under his roof, or on his waist. And yet I keep making it. The making AND the rebuking; a weird Idaho holiday tradition now. Thanks Lynn it's delicious!

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure what you are talking about,I make my peanutbutter fudge like this all the time. YES it is to die for.

Stacey said...

This is THE MOST AMAZING PB Fudge I have ever had!! Im 7 months pregnant, and it was a fight between me and the hubby who gets to it first when its ready...LOL!! I made it about 3-4 weeks ago, and Im ready for another batch!! Thank you soo much for posting this, cause it truly is amazing! I made my husband a little "care package" to share with his buddies at work, and the responses that he came home with were HILARIOUS!! "If you two ever get a divorce, can I have her number?" and "Does she give baking lessons? If so, how much would she charge me to enroll my wife." HAHAHAHA....all that for a simple little PB Fudge recipe...LOL!! Anyway, it is truly the best ever!! Ill be going to the store tomorrow to get my evap milk. Its the only thing I need to make it, or else Id be in the kitchen right NOW makin another batch!!